Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Randomize