Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
