Texts From Last Night

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  (213): View more from California

  I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.

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  (213): I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian. http://tfl.nu/zael
  Replies (10) Good night (1352) Bad night (543)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard

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  (917): My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard http://tfl.nu/zt1l
  Replies (19) Good night (3263) Bad night (795)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.

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  (224): The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal. http://tfl.nu/xpa1
  Replies (23) Good night (727) Bad night (4403)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.

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  (319): I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone. http://tfl.nu/bot7
  Replies (9) Good night (3296) Bad night (607)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.

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  (703): Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon. http://tfl.nu/bjrm
  Replies (12) Good night (5193) Bad night (1166)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."

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  (403): We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I." http://tfl.nu/5568
  Replies (25) Good night (4302) Bad night (926)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals

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  (843): they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals http://tfl.nu/7ny2
  Replies (21) Good night (3982) Bad night (861)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.

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  (201): Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied. http://tfl.nu/g4t4
  Replies (8) Good night (3910) Bad night (915)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?

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  (814): So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club? http://tfl.nu/yeac
  Replies (10) Good night (3493) Bad night (1171)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering

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  (610): They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering http://tfl.nu/lidm
  Replies (9) Good night (3417) Bad night (1012)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.

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  (601): I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak. http://tfl.nu/j26q
  Replies (19) Good night (723) Bad night (3348)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...

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  (407): I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow... http://tfl.nu/1e3j
  Replies (8) Good night (3365) Bad night (684)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.

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  (647): I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing. http://tfl.nu/o75l
  Replies (2) Good night (523) Bad night (846)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.

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  (406): Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story. http://tfl.nu/fe6z
  Replies (7) Good night (1562) Bad night (377)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.

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  (250): Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street (250): It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any. http://tfl.nu/mi10
  Replies (1) Good night (775) Bad night (382)

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