Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.