sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable