I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
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In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me