I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.