I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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