Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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