I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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