I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
