her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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