I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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