On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
