U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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