Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
