If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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