and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
