she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
