happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
