Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
