youre lurking in front of me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
