have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
