I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
