I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
