Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
