yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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