The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
