just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
