Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
