i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
