My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
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I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
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He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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