Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
