Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
