he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
