oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
