she woke up with a sticky ear
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
