time to smoke my breakfast
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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