Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.