I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.