you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Fuck me I smell like cheese