Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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