Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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