Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him

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  (281): I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him http://tfl.nu/1o2o
  Replies (2) Good night (1261) Bad night (698)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.

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  (517): Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months. http://tfl.nu/qynd
  Replies (39) Good night (743) Bad night (9638)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her

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  (513): you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her http://tfl.nu/dn9c
  Replies (48) Good night (962) Bad night (5558)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.

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  (267): New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/d4tz
  Replies (28) Good night (2287) Bad night (4958)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.

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  (443): This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night. http://tfl.nu/mfsu
  Replies (17) Good night (5120) Bad night (1086)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.

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  (717): He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home. http://tfl.nu/aglq
  Replies (9) Good night (3570) Bad night (994)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Dave a horae rider a coqw boy

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  (414): Dave a horae rider a coqw boy http://tfl.nu/9zpn
  Replies (11) Good night (4207) Bad night (1129)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...

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  (541): apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex... http://tfl.nu/6yny
  Replies (4) Good night (2950) Bad night (745)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.

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  (270): New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it. http://tfl.nu/its0
  Replies (10) Good night (1188) Bad night (2390)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight

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  (251): when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight http://tfl.nu/vlsg
  Replies (14) Good night (1179) Bad night (2473)
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  (805): View more from California

  I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.

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  (805): I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore. http://tfl.nu/x6ui
  Replies (3) Good night (890) Bad night (362)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue

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  (720): I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue http://tfl.nu/01f7
  Replies (3) Good night (474) Bad night (387)
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  (530): View more from California

  He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.

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  (530): He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette. http://tfl.nu/s1hb
  Replies (3) Good night (415) Bad night (656)
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  (607): View more from New York

  YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus

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  (607): YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus http://tfl.nu/47xe
  Replies (1) Good night (196) Bad night (316)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now

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  (857): i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now http://tfl.nu/deer
  Replies (3) Good night (461) Bad night (148)

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