I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name