Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them

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  (814): I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them http://tfl.nu/cf2l
  Replies (12) Good night (681) Bad night (3481)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it

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  (416): but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it http://tfl.nu/djus
  Replies (8) Good night (4048) Bad night (1013)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy

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  (830): You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy http://tfl.nu/g7o4
  Replies (12) Good night (4256) Bad night (1060)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.

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  (919): Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room. http://tfl.nu/3ukp
  Replies (28) Good night (9746) Bad night (1045)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.

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  (904): my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower. http://tfl.nu/bnhm
  Replies (10) Good night (3784) Bad night (1061)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave

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  (630): all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave http://tfl.nu/0ff9
  Replies (10) Good night (2846) Bad night (918)
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  (818): View more from California

  we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.

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  (818): we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices. http://tfl.nu/8xc8
  Replies (9) Good night (2454) Bad night (744)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.

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  (727): well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up. http://tfl.nu/6z0c
  Replies (6) Good night (1630) Bad night (1000)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago

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  (815): I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago http://tfl.nu/274p
  Replies (11) Good night (502) Bad night (2634)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!

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  (302): I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me! http://tfl.nu/y8cp
  Replies (5) Good night (1548) Bad night (456)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.

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  (435): Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday. http://tfl.nu/eusa
  Replies (4) Good night (912) Bad night (424)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.

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  (908): Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else. http://tfl.nu/wso9
  Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (484)
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  (315): View more from New York

  im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.

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  (315): im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass. http://tfl.nu/ll9k
  Replies (4) Good night (547) Bad night (866)
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  (408): View more from California

  MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE

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  (408): MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE http://tfl.nu/oud3
  Replies (2) Good night (597) Bad night (302)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"

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  (630): There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!" http://tfl.nu/d703
  Replies (2) Good night (1010) Bad night (248)

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