dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.