Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.