I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
