In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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