At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
