thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
