cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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