Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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