Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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