I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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