We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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