I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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