Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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