flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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