If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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