We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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