i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
