I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
