Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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