I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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