i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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