I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
