just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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