i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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