I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
