I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
