P.S. I can't hear my feet
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
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downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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