Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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