she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
