Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
