Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
