thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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