He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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