Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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